You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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