ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
