what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
