My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
operation harelip BJ is a go
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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