then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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