Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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