Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
