at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
