dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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