Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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