Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
