I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
