my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
