It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
