capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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