Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
