I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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