We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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