The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
