His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
