I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
