I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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