She is in my trunk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
