Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
