and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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