i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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