so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
