i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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