Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
