Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
