Kiss
Puke
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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