I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
