im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My balls are so social today.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
