thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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