i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
