we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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