you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
