You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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