I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
