just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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