So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
