so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
