You really coming over, don't trick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
