Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
