WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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