It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
