watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize