good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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