it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
