sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
