Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
