Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
