i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
