This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
