What a fucking waste of an outfit
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
