Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
