the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
